happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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