I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
