New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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