and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
