im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
COCAINE IS GR8
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
