If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
