before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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