i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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