Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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