sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
