I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
