Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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