if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
