eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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