She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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