Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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