His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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