She is in my trunk
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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