my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
