I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
