Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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