Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
