someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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