I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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