Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
