kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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