Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
