"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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