Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
