I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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