i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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