Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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