why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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