Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
