Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
