you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Did I show you my penis last night?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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