I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
