i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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