i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So apparently I’m into choking now
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
