o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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