these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
