just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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