Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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