Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize