quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize