Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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