i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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