sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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