Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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