Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
BRING THE BAGELS
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
