I wish I could teleport
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
