I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
