I think my fart just growled at me.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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