hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
