there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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