Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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