My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
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Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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