I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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