He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
